Friday, March 4, 2011

Week 18 letter

My dearest little girl,

You are making your presence known this afternoon, and have been tickling me non-stop throughout the entire day. I love it, but it makes it hard to focus when I am trying to lecture my AP class! But no matter. I love knowing you are active and awake, and trying to tell me, "Hiiiiiiii Momma!" It's rather delightful.

When we first found out that you were a little girl, I was a little nervous. Your momma doesn't always feel like she lives up to the qualities required of her gender. I'm a tomboy--I love sports. I have a loud mouth, I stand up for what I believe in, I am fiercely honest and never backstabbing. I don't like fluff or ruffles or glitter or covering myself in pink. I like dresses and doing my hair and makeup, but it's never my first priority. Your daddy has impacted that greatly--he has made me feel so beautiful just as I am. I am thankful for that, but it has caused me to neglect a lot of my "lady" responsbilities that society expects. So, I was apprehensive that I wouldn't raise you to be the right kind of girl.

But I'm so thankful to have some amazing friends in my life. They calmed me down with ease, and reminded me of who I will actually raise. Or, who I hope to, anyway. And I hope I raise you to be a lot like me.

Daughter, I hope I raise you to be honest, courageous, opinionated, proud and confident.

Honesty is such an important value, especially in our twisted and convoluted world. Sometimes, being honest can make things difficult. It may make people upset with you, but there is no better way to be than honest. Lying is a waste of time. Life is to short but to be anything but entirely honest. I have always prided myself on speaking my mind, regardless of what others may think. It isn't always easy, but it is always, always worth it.

Life is a scary ride, and it's important to be courageous. Fear is natural, and sometimes, it's consuming. But I want to raise you to have courage--to face your fears head on and tackle them. Take risks, take a chance, follow your dreams. Your daddy and I will always encourage you to follow your heart and not be afraid. Failure happens, but it builds character. The most courageous thing I ever did was follow your Daddy to California, and it was the best decision I ever made.

Sometimes, I can be overly opinionated. Some people see that as a negative. I see it as positive, because it makes me passionate. Daughter, the things I care about? They stir me to my soul. They are not just conversation pieces or blips on my radar. I care. I am moved to action. And I don't hesitate to share my views with others. I want you to be the same way, precious one. Too many women believe that they should be mute, that they should be proper. A good portion of history took great care to make us believe this. But I want you to be proud of your opinions, and stand by them. And stand FOR them by contributing to their causes.

If there is one thing I want most for you, it is to be proud of who you are. And that is hard to accomplish. Our society creates ideals for little girls and young women that are impossible to achieve. They set the standards for beauty and intelligence so high, that many girls go crazy trying to reach them. There was a time where I too was convinced that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, funny enough to ever find the life I deserved. It wasn't until I went to college that I was able to change that outlook. But little one, your Daddy and I will take great care to remind you that who you are, Just AS you are, is perfect. And deserving of pride. One day, you will find someone special who will make you more aware of that, just by loving you. Until then, Daddy and I will give you that love, and ensure that you are always proud of who you are. We will accept you just as you are, so please, BE that person.

Finally, daughter, I hope I inspire you to have confidence. I didn't. For a good portion of my life. Daddy and I joke that now, I make up for that by having a little bit toooooo much. But I wish I would have gained it years ago. I was always something special, because every person is something special. Having too much confidence can be dangerous--you want to remember to be humble and thank those who have helped you reach your goals. But you should feel that you are deserving of confidence. That you can achieve and do anything your perfect heart desires. We will be your biggest cheerleaders, all day, every day, 24/7.

I of course want other things for you, to be loving, understanding, empathetic, cultivate a love for learning, and countless other things. But these traits? When I talked to my friends about what kind of little girl I would raise, this is what they said. Because this is how they see me. And I am blessed and honored to have friends who will share their hearts with me, and remind me of who I am. And that who I am will instill itself in you. I hope you get those good qualities, and very few of my bad; and dearest, there are bad qualities in me. But I promise I will work tirelessly to give you my best at all times. You deserve nothing less.

We love you, little girl, and we can't wait to see you again on Monday.

Love always,
Your Momma

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